How to Have a Great Sex Talk

When anyone of us fall in love, sex always comes up naturally and easy. However, many of us, just can’t imagine that one day, like any other part of a relationship, we will also need to have a sex talk about it. It’s entirely normal to discuss and negotiate many aspects of sex, from frequent to quality. But studies have shown with two people, we often find them having separate histories, expectations and blueprint for physical intimacy. Hence there are differences.

Here are a few tips for a productive sex talk found by Kinsey Institute, USA:

Don’t speak all of a sudden

Don’t surprise your partner with sex talk. Try to pick up a neutral spot to discuss this kind of sensitive topic. Always let your partner know ahead of time about your agenda. Invite your partner out for coffee or a drink or you might say, “I would love to talk about how we might increase our sexual frequency comfortably for both of us. Could we go out for coffee next Saturday morning and talk about it?”

Don’t pick multiple threads in one sitting

Never pick up more than one topic per conversation. While it may seem effectual to try to get all the bedroom talks out onto the table all at once, conversing about sex should always be short and targeted. Researches have shown that it’s best to sort out complex feelings about relational issues a little at a time.

For instance, if you want to initiate the conversation as a man rather than herself. When you may find that – She worries that you don’t find her attractive or feel much lust for her. And recently, your erectile dysfunction seems to inhibit yourself further.
Here are three separate conversations:

  • Discuss your attraction for her. Maybe share how reassuring she finds it when you initiates sex and then ask if there is a way she could be more approachable. OR
  • Tell her how loved you feel when she initiates and ask her if she’d be willing to do that on a weekly basis. OR
  • Talk about your erectile dysfunction and create a list of ideas to address it, like visiting an urologist, taking medication, and building high arousal scenarios, etc.


Provide suggestion and avoid complains

Try to always hint upon suggestions rather than building up complains. Always lend your partner some reassurance by commenting on the positive aspects of your sexual life.
For an example, you can run the conversation in this manner:
I really love it when we laugh in bed together.” Then, suggest what you want:  “Other times, I long for more intensity.” Follow the suggestion with a specific example, “I think it’d be hot if you’d try a really sexy come-on.” Then, open the discussion for their viewpoint: “What do you love, and what do you wish were different?” Don’t say: “You are so goofy, I just can’t get turned on.”

Remember the basics

Research has shown that there are a few basic questions that you can always ask to get a better understanding and knowledge of each other’s expectations.

-What moods, rhythms, and acts during sex turn you on?

-In your mind, does seduction belong to one gender?

-How often do you like sexual contact in one week?

-What is the time of day when you feel more sexual?

-Do you like sexual initiation to begin with touch or with words?


The key is to make sure that your words are coming from a place of genuine curiosity and interest within you. Remember during all of your experiments with talking in the bedroom, keep in mind that no one is judging you. Your partner isn’t waiting around listening for grammatical errors or stutters. So it’s always fine to try out with the above stated list of conversations and see how it goes.